Go Back   Yellowworld Forums > Interests > Histories, Traditions, and the Diaspora

Histories, Traditions, and the Diaspora Educate yourself, and each other, about Asian histories, traditions, and the diaspora.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 10-03-2004, 12:52 PM
AngryABCGirl's Avatar
AngryABCGirl AngryABCGirl is offline
台妹
 
Joined: Jan 2003
Location: My Go Go Go Gadget Flow
Age: 29
Posts: 4,620
Blog Entries: 2
Rep Power: 237
AngryABCGirl has a reputation beyond reputeAngryABCGirl has a reputation beyond reputeAngryABCGirl has a reputation beyond reputeAngryABCGirl has a reputation beyond reputeAngryABCGirl has a reputation beyond reputeAngryABCGirl has a reputation beyond reputeAngryABCGirl has a reputation beyond reputeAngryABCGirl has a reputation beyond reputeAngryABCGirl has a reputation beyond reputeAngryABCGirl has a reputation beyond reputeAngryABCGirl has a reputation beyond repute
Chinese Funeral Customs

A friend's mother passed on, and I was wondering if there's anything I should particulary do/send? I can't go back ot LA and I'm planing on sending some white lilies, but is there anything else I should send or anything in particular Cantonese or HK people (family from HK) do?
__________________
我討厭訓導主任的嘴臉 討厭被束縛
That's true 很多人不屑我的態度
他們說我太酷 警察不爽我都曾將我逮捕
I don't give a fuck about 人家說什麼
他們想說什麼就說什麼 但是他們算什麼
沒有誰有權利拿他的標準衡量我
主宰是我自己 隨便人家如何想
我還是我
- 宋岳庭
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 10-03-2004, 01:34 PM
sandra sandra is offline
Administrator
 
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 9,717
Rep Power: 1000
sandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Chinese Funeral Customs

it depends on how close friends you were and what type of funeral they are having. if they're pretty Chinese, you could send a flower wreath instead, which will be displayed at the funeral amongst other wreaths. if you call a Chinese flower shop, they could inform you of what to write on the banner.

got this from the journal of cultural diversity, and it's pretty accurate:
QUOTE:
Focus group participants reported that Chinese funerals and pre-burial and post-burial practices consist of elements of Buddhist, Taoist, and Chinese superstition and folklore. Most Chinese funerals consist of an open casket, and wreaths of flowers contributed by family members and friends adorn the funeral hall. These wreaths consist of ribbons with short writings commemorating the deceased and the names of the contributors. The more wreaths present, the more prestige and status are associated with the deceased and the family. In addition, the wreaths are placed by the coffin in accordance to the relationship of the contributor and to the deceased. Therefore, the wreaths of close family members of the deceased are placed closer in proximity to the coffin than those who are more distant.
i'm sorry to hear about your friend's mom.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 10-03-2004, 02:26 PM
Kennyb's Avatar
Kennyb Kennyb is offline
Yellowworld Chief of Staff
 
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: The disco dancefloor
Age: 31
Posts: 735
Rep Power: 93
Kennyb has a reputation beyond reputeKennyb has a reputation beyond reputeKennyb has a reputation beyond reputeKennyb has a reputation beyond reputeKennyb has a reputation beyond reputeKennyb has a reputation beyond reputeKennyb has a reputation beyond reputeKennyb has a reputation beyond reputeKennyb has a reputation beyond reputeKennyb has a reputation beyond reputeKennyb has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Chinese Funeral Customs

For a Chinese funeral, being a close friend, normally you would give a special Chinese envelope where you put money in. This is a sign of showing your help and support for the people who loss someone - I can't quite explain it since my parents told me it very briefly when I lost my uncle and one of my dad's best friend.
__________________
Joey: 'Ross, I have a science question. If the homo-sapiens were homo-sapiens, is that why they're extinct?'

Ross: 'Joey, homo-sapiens are people.'

Joey: 'Hey, I'm not judging.'

Kennyb.co.uk
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 10-03-2004, 08:14 PM
sandra sandra is offline
Administrator
 
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 9,717
Rep Power: 1000
sandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Chinese Funeral Customs

QUOTE:
Originally Posted by Kennyb
For a Chinese funeral, being a close friend, normally you would give a special Chinese envelope where you put money in. This is a sign of showing your help and support for the people who loss someone - I can't quite explain it since my parents told me it very briefly when I lost my uncle and one of my dad's best friend.
yes, in cantonese, it's called, "bak gum," which means "white gold."

in mandarin, "bai jing."

if you were able to attend, when you arrive, you would walk all the way up to the casket, bow three times, then turn to the family members, hand them the envelope, give your condolences, then take a seat.

in my family, the funeral would always last two days.

day #1, the service: the first would be at night, when the actual service would be held. people would arrive, bow, then family members, close friends, and a pastor would give speeches. it should also be noted that, every single time you passed by the casket - for example, if you were part of the family and had to use the restroom during the service - you would bow when you leave and bow when you come back. even little children knew to do this out of respect.

day #2, "seung bun" or "chuut bun": the following morning, the same routine would take place. in the end, however, the family members would gather and bow one last time. in some families, they all bow at once. in my family, because we have so many people, we'd do great-grandchildren first (my group), then grandchildren, then children and siblings. then only family would be permitted to gather around the casket while the pastor says the final words and the casket is closed. this is perhaps the hardest moment.

immediately after this, the pallbearers, usually the grandsons or great-grandsons, would carry the casket out to the limosine. the family members would ride in other limosines behind it. other friends and extended family would trail in their own cars, with a green sticker reading "funeral" placed on the front windshield (this is in san francisco). a band would march up in front, two men would carry a huge photograph of the loved one who passed, and there would be a brief parade around Chinatown and San Francisco with police officers in the front and end of the line on motorcycles. i think the funeral parlor arranges all of this. then we would stop somewhere in Chinatown for a brief ceremony. for my grandfather, because he was in the military, there was a special type of ceremony where his photograph was saluted. i saw people on the sidewalks salute as well. tourists are *always* watching during this, but unless you know the person, most Chinese people would not watch because it's bad luck.

then we'd all drive in the same line to the graveyard, where another ceremony would take place. in the end, the casket is lowered. close family members would be given the opportunity to throw in flowers first. then the grave would be covered and the wreaths would be placed on top. then everyone would meet up at a restaurant for the funeral banquet.

incidentally, i found this on google - no wonder tourists watch. our funerals are considered a tourist attraction! our family members' funeral service always took place at the green street mortuary. from san francisco tours:

QUOTE:
Chinese Funerals Uniquely San Francisco Tradition: Starting from North Beach's Green Street Mortuary, the procession winds down Columbus Avenue and sometimes through Chinatown's streets. Led by a brass band playing western religious music and a convertible carrying a larger-than-life picture of the departed, it's an east-meets-west contradiction that typifies the city it happens in. You're most likely to see one on Saturday morning.
somebody should tell the tourists - usually white families sporting "i *heart* SF" sweatshirts - that it's bad luck to watch.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 10-03-2004, 11:25 PM
AngryABCGirl's Avatar
AngryABCGirl AngryABCGirl is offline
台妹
 
Joined: Jan 2003
Location: My Go Go Go Gadget Flow
Age: 29
Posts: 4,620
Blog Entries: 2
Rep Power: 237
AngryABCGirl has a reputation beyond reputeAngryABCGirl has a reputation beyond reputeAngryABCGirl has a reputation beyond reputeAngryABCGirl has a reputation beyond reputeAngryABCGirl has a reputation beyond reputeAngryABCGirl has a reputation beyond reputeAngryABCGirl has a reputation beyond reputeAngryABCGirl has a reputation beyond reputeAngryABCGirl has a reputation beyond reputeAngryABCGirl has a reputation beyond reputeAngryABCGirl has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Chinese Funeral Customs

How much should you give? Pretty close friend, I don't think I can attend the funeral/don't know how it's gonna go, so I didn't want to send a wreath.

Damn, it's really sad I never knew about this part of my culture until someone died.
__________________
我討厭訓導主任的嘴臉 討厭被束縛
That's true 很多人不屑我的態度
他們說我太酷 警察不爽我都曾將我逮捕
I don't give a fuck about 人家說什麼
他們想說什麼就說什麼 但是他們算什麼
沒有誰有權利拿他的標準衡量我
主宰是我自己 隨便人家如何想
我還是我
- 宋岳庭
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 10-04-2004, 04:16 AM
Kennyb's Avatar
Kennyb Kennyb is offline
Yellowworld Chief of Staff
 
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: The disco dancefloor
Age: 31
Posts: 735
Rep Power: 93
Kennyb has a reputation beyond reputeKennyb has a reputation beyond reputeKennyb has a reputation beyond reputeKennyb has a reputation beyond reputeKennyb has a reputation beyond reputeKennyb has a reputation beyond reputeKennyb has a reputation beyond reputeKennyb has a reputation beyond reputeKennyb has a reputation beyond reputeKennyb has a reputation beyond reputeKennyb has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Chinese Funeral Customs

Thanks for describing how the funeral takes place since it's quite complicated, yet I am not the best in describing about events.

You know kasia, some funerals can last even longer than 2 days - 5 days even. My uncle who is an actual "priest" that wear those yellow hats and gown, whilst chanting those Chinese preys. He taught his two eldest sons and I have to admit the process of the funeral is very long. For my dad's friend funeral, my cousin was at there house chanting for 12 hours before the next day where he will be buried.

As for the money, that depends on how much you are willing to give really.
__________________
Joey: 'Ross, I have a science question. If the homo-sapiens were homo-sapiens, is that why they're extinct?'

Ross: 'Joey, homo-sapiens are people.'

Joey: 'Hey, I'm not judging.'

Kennyb.co.uk
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 10-04-2004, 08:36 AM
SunWuKong's Avatar
SunWuKong SunWuKong is offline
Administrator
 
Joined: Aug 2002
Location: East Village
Age: 38
Posts: 25,551
Blog Entries: 6
Rep Power: 1000
SunWuKong has a reputation beyond reputeSunWuKong has a reputation beyond reputeSunWuKong has a reputation beyond reputeSunWuKong has a reputation beyond reputeSunWuKong has a reputation beyond reputeSunWuKong has a reputation beyond reputeSunWuKong has a reputation beyond reputeSunWuKong has a reputation beyond reputeSunWuKong has a reputation beyond reputeSunWuKong has a reputation beyond reputeSunWuKong has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Chinese Funeral Customs

QUOTE:
Originally Posted by AngryABCGirl
How much should you give? Pretty close friend, I don't think I can attend the funeral/don't know how it's gonna go, so I didn't want to send a wreath.

Damn, it's really sad I never knew about this part of my culture until someone died.

if it's a family from HK, then there's a good chance that the funeral is not strictly traditional Chinese. there are a lot of western funerals in HK, too, especially if the family is Christian. most importantly is how her family wants the funeral to be. you'd really only want to follow the suggestions given so far if you know the funeral to be strictly traditional.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 10-04-2004, 08:59 AM
sandra sandra is offline
Administrator
 
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 9,717
Rep Power: 1000
sandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Chinese Funeral Customs

right. the funerals that i described were for Chinese Christians. we never had a Buddhist (?) funeral.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 10-04-2004, 10:26 AM
SunWuKong's Avatar
SunWuKong SunWuKong is offline
Administrator
 
Joined: Aug 2002
Location: East Village
Age: 38
Posts: 25,551
Blog Entries: 6
Rep Power: 1000
SunWuKong has a reputation beyond reputeSunWuKong has a reputation beyond reputeSunWuKong has a reputation beyond reputeSunWuKong has a reputation beyond reputeSunWuKong has a reputation beyond reputeSunWuKong has a reputation beyond reputeSunWuKong has a reputation beyond reputeSunWuKong has a reputation beyond reputeSunWuKong has a reputation beyond reputeSunWuKong has a reputation beyond reputeSunWuKong has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Chinese Funeral Customs

QUOTE:
Originally Posted by kasia
right. the funerals that i described were for Chinese Christians. we never had a Buddhist (?) funeral.
oh ok. sounds like a hybrid of Chinese and Western funerals, right? with the bowing and the seung bun.
i wouldn't know, i've never actually been to a funeral.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 10-04-2004, 05:18 PM
kimpossible kimpossible is offline
very tired
 
Joined: Aug 2002
Location: USA
Posts: 12,817
Rep Power: 804
kimpossible has a reputation beyond reputekimpossible has a reputation beyond reputekimpossible has a reputation beyond reputekimpossible has a reputation beyond reputekimpossible has a reputation beyond reputekimpossible has a reputation beyond reputekimpossible has a reputation beyond reputekimpossible has a reputation beyond reputekimpossible has a reputation beyond reputekimpossible has a reputation beyond reputekimpossible has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Chinese Funeral Customs

For my edification, when you give bai jing does it have to be an even (not odd) amount like wedding money? and should certain amounts be avoided, like $40 because of the 4?

and while i'm on the subject...

aside from Grave Sweeping Day, are there any other occasions to observe other than personal? i have a 'gravestone cleaning kit' in my car and i keep it up bi-monthly, so it's maintained and has fresh flowers with every visit.

and, when are you supposed to burn money?

and, what do you do with pictures and offerings? is there a special incense? do i have to have a special shelf? how long do you leave an offering up there and what do you do with it after?

sorry for all the questions, i didn't mean to hijack AAG's thread.
__________________
“First coffee. Then a bowel movement. Then the muse joins me.”

-- Gore Vidal
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 10-04-2004, 06:42 PM
sandra sandra is offline
Administrator
 
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 9,717
Rep Power: 1000
sandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Chinese Funeral Customs

QUOTE:
Originally Posted by kimpossible
For my edification, when you give bai jing does it have to be an even (not odd) amount like wedding money? and should certain amounts be avoided, like $40 because of the 4?

and while i'm on the subject...

aside from Grave Sweeping Day, are there any other occasions to observe other than personal? i have a 'gravestone cleaning kit' in my car and i keep it up bi-monthly, so it's maintained and has fresh flowers with every visit.

and, when are you supposed to burn money?

and, what do you do with pictures and offerings? is there a special incense? do i have to have a special shelf? how long do you leave an offering up there and what do you do with it after?

sorry for all the questions, i didn't mean to hijack AAG's thread.
if you visit one of those stores in chinatown where they sell incense and stuff, you can probably find out more. also, take note that many people who burn the money don't read what they are burning and are actually using play money that reads, "Hell Bank Note." my father and i walked the entire Chinatown, practically, to find a stack that read, "Heaven Bank Note." don't even ask me why we though it would exist. but we knew. our family burns money on the grave-sweeping day, but only for the side of my family that is Buddhist.

other stuff to observe: when the spirit comes back to visit (90 days?), you all gather in the home and welcome him/her.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 10-05-2004, 05:47 AM
deez nuts's Avatar
deez nuts deez nuts is offline
GO DUKE
 
Joined: Aug 2002
Location: in the scrotum
Posts: 14,347
Rep Power: 726
deez nuts has a reputation beyond reputedeez nuts has a reputation beyond reputedeez nuts has a reputation beyond reputedeez nuts has a reputation beyond reputedeez nuts has a reputation beyond reputedeez nuts has a reputation beyond reputedeez nuts has a reputation beyond reputedeez nuts has a reputation beyond reputedeez nuts has a reputation beyond reputedeez nuts has a reputation beyond reputedeez nuts has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Chinese Funeral Customs

QUOTE:
Originally Posted by kimpossible
For my edification, when you give bai jing does it have to be an even (not odd) amount like wedding money? and should certain amounts be avoided, like $40 because of the 4?

and while i'm on the subject...

aside from Grave Sweeping Day, are there any other occasions to observe other than personal? i have a 'gravestone cleaning kit' in my car and i keep it up bi-monthly, so it's maintained and has fresh flowers with every visit.

and, when are you supposed to burn money?

and, what do you do with pictures and offerings? is there a special incense? do i have to have a special shelf? how long do you leave an offering up there and what do you do with it after?

sorry for all the questions, i didn't mean to hijack AAG's thread.

bai jing? i'm not sure what that is. are we talking about "dien yie"...... money you give to the deceased kin? if so, i don't know of any set rule of how you're not supposed to give odd number, no 4's etc etc.

we've never really practiced grave sweeping day since all the family members that passed away were cremated. we have a shrine and their ashes left in a room dedicated to the deceased in a buddhist temple in taiwan. i've never heard of my family and friends doing the grave sweeping. i guess maybe cuz the deceased were cremated? we do clean up the dedicated shrine in the home and the shrine area where the ashes are kept in the buddhist temple. i don't think we follow a set schedule.

the only people that's supposed to burn money is the family members. the only time that we ever burned"money" was during the funeral service as part of the ceremony. you fold it with other family members and burn it.

there's also a picture of the deceased and names of the closest of kin to the next closest of kin etc etc etc extending outwards during the service. this is also where a lot of egoes gets bruised like my grandfather's older brother who was upset and threw a fit cuz my uncle's (my grandfather's oldest son) name was the closest one left to my grandfather's picture followed by my dad and my youngest uncle. my grandmother's name was the closest one to the right of the picture.

i think the incense is thicker than ther normal incense you use to pay respect and kowtow with to the deceased. i'm not sure though. you don't really have to have a special shelf. but, like in our house there's a dedicated space with pictures of both my grandfather and grandmother. the offerings is usually left in the area till the incense burns out. after that we typically eat the offerings.

there's also something extremely important to note.

after you attend one of these funeral services, you are under no condition allowed to go back to your house or someone else's house. you have to go to a public area like a department store. wash your hands and face, and spend a little money. the family of the deceased will probably give you some coins to spend after the service for this purpose. then you can go home.



QUOTE:
Originally Posted by AngryABCGirl
A friend's mother passed on, and I was wondering if there's anything I should particulary do/send? I can't go back ot LA and I'm planing on sending some white lilies, but is there anything else I should send or anything in particular Cantonese or HK people (family from HK) do?

you should just send flowers and a card.

unless you're phyically there and they're having the traditional chinese type funerals to where you have to do a processional march to the temple, light the incense, kowtow, kneel and kowtow. there's really no reason to give them money.

so bad to talk about death so bad. bad luck. bad luck.

Last edited by deez nuts; 10-05-2004 at 11:05 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 10-05-2004, 11:02 AM
sandra sandra is offline
Administrator
 
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 9,717
Rep Power: 1000
sandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond reputesandra has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Chinese Funeral Customs

in those gangster movies, they always use cigarettes instead of incense.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 10-05-2004, 11:09 AM
kimpossible kimpossible is offline
very tired
 
Joined: Aug 2002
Location: USA
Posts: 12,817
Rep Power: 804
kimpossible has a reputation beyond reputekimpossible has a reputation beyond reputekimpossible has a reputation beyond reputekimpossible has a reputation beyond reputekimpossible has a reputation beyond reputekimpossible has a reputation beyond reputekimpossible has a reputation beyond reputekimpossible has a reputation beyond reputekimpossible has a reputation beyond reputekimpossible has a reputation beyond reputekimpossible has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Chinese Funeral Customs

okay. well, i don't want to go overboard, i just want to do the right thing. i installed a shelf from Home Depot and put a few portraits up. we keep the gravestone clean (the urn is in the grave - we have a family section reserved) and bring flowers often. i hope that's acceptable.
__________________
“First coffee. Then a bowel movement. Then the muse joins me.”

-- Gore Vidal
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 10-05-2004, 12:03 PM
deez nuts's Avatar
deez nuts deez nuts is offline
GO DUKE
 
Joined: Aug 2002
Location: in the scrotum
Posts: 14,347
Rep Power: 726
deez nuts has a reputation beyond reputedeez nuts has a reputation beyond reputedeez nuts has a reputation beyond reputedeez nuts has a reputation beyond reputedeez nuts has a reputation beyond reputedeez nuts has a reputation beyond reputedeez nuts has a reputation beyond reputedeez nuts has a reputation beyond reputedeez nuts has a reputation beyond reputedeez nuts has a reputation beyond reputedeez nuts has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Chinese Funeral Customs

QUOTE:
Originally Posted by kimpossible
okay. well, i don't want to go overboard, i just want to do the right thing. i installed a shelf from Home Depot and put a few portraits up. we keep the gravestone clean (the urn is in the grave - we have a family section reserved) and bring flowers often. i hope that's acceptable.
sounds good to me.

i don't think you really can do anything wrong. i mean so long as you're honoring the memory of your loved one and paying your respects to him/her from time to time is all that matters. the rest is just ceremonial protocol.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Funeral protests Faithless Current Events 17 05-27-2006 09:57 PM
Funeral Customs, Traditions and Rites amietron Histories, Traditions, and the Diaspora 15 05-26-2005 05:12 PM
Music you want played at your funeral Faithless Arts & Entertainment 17 03-26-2004 10:09 PM
strange eating customs... sandra Food and Travel 47 04-20-2003 09:55 PM
Customs and INS kimpossible Food and Travel 21 01-05-2003 06:51 PM


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:19 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.0
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2006 Yellowworld.org